Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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