Ambien. No doubt about it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
