i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Couch. On fire.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
