i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
