I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
