I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
