I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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