i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
