a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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