my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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