This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
