I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
