Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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