dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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