I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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