Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
