DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
