A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found puke in my bra..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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