Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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