Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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