i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
