My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
