he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
