I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
