Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
