new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Still dying that you shit outside
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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