I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
