How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
