I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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