I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
