i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
