I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
