sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
