1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
