Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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