Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
