what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
