i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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