is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You can't motorboat a personality
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
