Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
