Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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