Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
