In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
