so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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