Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
