Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
