Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
