if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
