You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
