The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
