READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
