I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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