Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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