At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
