U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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