Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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