Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
