Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
