"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
